i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I've blown a few things in my day
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
