road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
