You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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