he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Randomize
