I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
