No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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