does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize