If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
