I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
