why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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