Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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