Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
