do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize