Is it normal to miss your booty call?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
