I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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