I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
