worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
