there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
