I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
