You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
