So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
