somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize