There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
