yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize