He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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