just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
