They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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