I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
