just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize