He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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