Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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