It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
please come you make the beer taste better
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
