My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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