someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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