You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dear god my vagina.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
