dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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