Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
