Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
