What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
