Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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