He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize