So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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