A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
