I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize