my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize