what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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