her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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