the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my being single is dangerous.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
