just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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