living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
