He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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