one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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