I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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