i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
