i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
