now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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