This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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