I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's official drugs can't kill me
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am available for nakedness
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
