i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize