she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
