Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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