i may or may not be watching the land before time
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
