It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need to calm my uterus...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
