Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
