Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
