After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
