Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
