so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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