look no pants
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
