I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
